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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Man Not Accepting Any More Television Recommendations At This Time

CINCINNATI—Issuing the proclamation directly to friends and family Wednesday afternoon, local man Sean Patterson officially announced he is no longer accepting television series recommendations at this time. “While I am grateful for all of the input I have received in recent weeks, I must regretfully inform you that the window for offering new televised programming suggestions for me to watch has officially closed,” said the 43-year-old, adding that, as of noon today, no further titles of network, cable, or online streaming shows would be considered for potential viewing, no matter how star-studded or critically acclaimed. “I might seek input regarding new televised content to watch in the future, at which point I will make a public announcement alerting all concerned parties of my intention to find a new show to watch, and I will urge you all to resubmit your recommendations for any police procedurals, comedies, and true crime miniseries you think I’ll enjoy. However, until that time, I will be unable to process any further television consumption proposals. Thank you for your understanding on this matter.” At press time, Patterson had temporarily lifted his TV recommendation moratorium after abandoning his sister Lynn’s suggestion of Designated Survivor one and a half episodes in.

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