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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Not Certain What Any Of His Coworkers' Names Are

DES MOINES, IA—After nearly two years of employment at Ludnick Publishing, Doug Glickman literally does not know the name of a single one of his 11 coworkers, the 35-year-old department manager admitted to reporters Monday. “There’s this one guy I’ve been going to lunch with for like a year now, and I honestly have no idea what his first or last name is,” Glickman whispered from the employee break room, out of earshot of two coworkers he referred to as “the Hispanic woman” and “the bald mustache guy.” “I can get through Mondays by asking everyone, ‘Hey, man, how was your weekend?’ After that, I usually just stick to calling everybody ‘buddy’ or ‘big guy.’ There’s also this one really quiet assistant I always call ‘chief’ and then give this little pretend salute to. That’s probably as good as using his name, right?” Glickman added that he had recently been on a couple of dates with a coworker whose number appears in his cell phone under “Girl with short hair and glasses who sits in cubicle next to where the printer is.”

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