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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Man On First Date Cunningly Leaves Behind One Of His Fingers At Woman’s House

CHICAGO—Seeking to ensure a second date with local woman Rebecca Murphy, marketing analyst Mark Klinger cleverly removed his right pinky finger during their date Saturday evening and intentionally left it between cushions in Murphy’s living room sofa, the 29-year-old confirmed to reporters this morning. “I could tell as soon as I met Rebecca that I wanted to see her again, so when she got up to get a drink, I quickly chopped off my finger, tucked it into her couch, and then kept my hand in my pocket for the rest of the night so she wouldn’t notice anything,” said Klinger, explaining that he initially considered cutting off one of his legs and slipping it underneath the coffee table, but ultimately decided that Murphy might realize he was missing something when he got up to leave. “It’s the perfect plan. Now all I have to do to is call her and ask, ‘Did I leave one of my fingers at your house?’ and I’m guaranteed to see her again. Even if she says she hasn’t seen it, I can say, ‘Well, one of my fingers is gone and the last time I saw it was at your place.’ I really can’t lose.” At press time, an uninterested Murphy told Klinger that she would just leave the severed digit outside her front door for him to pick up while she was at work.

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