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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Man On Weird Fad Diet Where He Eats Flavorful Meals That Make Him Feel Good

MARIN, CA—Admitting that the odd lifestyle change was not something they’d ever choose for themselves, sources close to local man Andrew Gosselin confirmed Wednesday that the 35-year-old is currently trying out some sort of fad diet where he eats flavorful meals that make him feel good. “Andrew’s on this weird thing where he can only eat food that’s made with fresh ingredients and that leaves him feeling healthy and energetic,” said friend Luke Abramson, describing the “ridiculous, totally high-maintenance” regimen that requires Gosselin to consume balanced dishes that are wholesome and satisfying but don’t result in the software programmer becoming bloated, uncomfortable, or fatigued. “He must see the strange, skeptical looks everyone gives him whenever he's eating nutritious and full-flavored foods, but he actually seems to be into it. It's really bizarre to have lunch with someone who eats like that.” Abramson added that Gosselin's trendy diet couldn't last much longer, as it required the man to perform such exhausting and onerous tasks as going to the store, picking out fresh produce, and bringing it home roughly once a week.

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