adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man At Party Comes Crawling Back To Conversation He Thought He Could Do Better Than

SOMERVILLE, MA—Awkwardly reengaging with the small cluster of people in the corner of his coworker’s living room, party guest David Kirsch reportedly came crawling right back to a conversation he thought he could do better than, sources confirmed over the weekend. “Hey, so I just remembered that I actually had seen Beyond Thunderdome a long time ago, but that’s the only one of the old Mad Max films I’ve watched,” said the humiliated Kirsch, who reportedly circled back to the discussion about Mad Max: Fury Road and other current movies a mere five minutes after extricating himself from the group in search of a more stimulating exchange. “I should check out the others, but I don’t know how they’re gonna top Fury Road.” According to sources, Kirsch attempted to finish his drink as quickly as possible in order to have an excuse to detach himself from the conversation a second time.


More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close