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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Pinned Beneath Car Wondering When Adrenaline Going To Kick In

WAUWATOSA, WI—With the lower half of his body pinned beneath the two-ton bulk of an overturned Jeep, Dennis Wagar told reporters Monday that he was still waiting for the adrenaline surge that would give him the temporary strength required to escape free. "I kind of thought it would've hit me right after the accident happened, but I guess everyone's body is different," said Wagar, who despite losing all sensation in his legs was sure he'd read something in a magazine somewhere about how the body's epinephrine levels increase dramatically in these situations. "Yup. Here it comes. Any minute now." Certain that an energizing rush of adrenaline would wake him, Wagar then decided to take a little nap.

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