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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Man Points Out Town Where He Threw Up

YPSILANTI, MI—Stressing that the place has changed a lot since he was throwing up, local cashier Dwayne Rosten excitedly showed his friends the area where he threw up while driving past the neighborhood Saturday afternoon. “There! That’s the exact street where I threw up,” a nostalgic Rosten told his passengers while passing through the Rawsonville neighborhood of Ypsilanti. “That blue house is the house I threw up in. Nothing fancy, but a great place to throw up, you know?” Rosten later cruised by the high school where he “did a lot of throwing up in just four years.”

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