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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Pretty Sure He Slept

AKRON, OH—Following eight restless hours in bed, copy repair technician Jason Murphy reported that he was "80 percent" sure he had slept the previous night. "It definitely seemed like I was sleeping for a while there, though I don't really feel rested, so it's hard to say," a haggard Murphy told coworkers Friday. "I mean, when my alarm went off, I jumped, so that must have meant I was asleep, right? Then again, I remember looking up at the clock a couple times and it was 3:38, so I'm not quite sure what happened there." Murphy went on to tell reporters that, regardless, he will try to sleep again this evening.

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