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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Man Psyches Self Out During Selection Of Ice-Cream Flavor

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Tallahassee resident Hannibal Grant found himself "paralyzed" by the sheer immensity of ice-cream options available to him at a local Cold Stone Creamery Monday, sources close to Grant report. "I was ready to pick out just one nice flavor of ice cream without second guessing what might be good and what was more of a risk, but there's—they have over fortysomething flavors," said an exasperated Grant, who eventually returned home empty-handed after a self-imposed order-line delay of 26 minutes. "Chocolate cream, mint chocolate-chip, chocolate chunks, white chocolate, just to name a few. And I don't even like chocolate." Grant is expected to recover well enough to return to his job as a research librarian by Friday.

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