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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Psyches Self Out During Selection Of Ice-Cream Flavor

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Tallahassee resident Hannibal Grant found himself "paralyzed" by the sheer immensity of ice-cream options available to him at a local Cold Stone Creamery Monday, sources close to Grant report. "I was ready to pick out just one nice flavor of ice cream without second guessing what might be good and what was more of a risk, but there's—they have over fortysomething flavors," said an exasperated Grant, who eventually returned home empty-handed after a self-imposed order-line delay of 26 minutes. "Chocolate cream, mint chocolate-chip, chocolate chunks, white chocolate, just to name a few. And I don't even like chocolate." Grant is expected to recover well enough to return to his job as a research librarian by Friday.

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