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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Pulling In $1,000 Per Month Has Nerve To Complain About Minimum Wage Laws

CHARLESTON, SC—Despite bringing in a cool grand—that’s 1,000 U.S. dollars in cash—every month, South Carolina resident and Sports Authority employee Jason Bigsby reportedly whines about minimum wage laws on a near daily basis, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I really don’t see what this guy’s got to complain about when every month he rakes in a thousand big ones; take a $100 bill and times it by 10 and that’s how much money he makes in a month,” said local Todd Mailer, adding that if Bigsby quit whining and took one look at his finances, he would realize he is essentially being handed a briefcase packed with a thousand $1 bills in it every single month. “The guy’s rolling in it. After living expenses, he still has, what, more than 500 bucks to spend on whatever he wants? Video games, fancy dinners, cologne—you name it. Guy could even save up all that cash and net himself $10,000 by year’s end, I shit you not. $10,000!” At press time, sources said Bigsby should just kick back, stop worrying, and enjoy the good life.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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