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Personal Growth

Woman Celebrates 4th Year Of Weaning Self Off Facebook

PITTSBURGH—Renewing her intention to cut back a little and only log onto the social network a few times a week at most, area woman Kathy Ward reportedly celebrated her fourth anniversary Tuesday of weaning herself off Facebook.

Area Man Self-Conscious About All The Wrong Things

MANASSAS, VA—Noting that he’s frequently anxious and embarrassed by his most minor personality quirks and modest physical imperfections, sources confirmed Thursday that local sales associate Walter Markowitz is self-conscious about the complet...
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Personal Growth

Man Pushing Self To Point Of Effort

ALBANY, NY—In what impressed coworkers are describing as an unprecedented application of minimal exertion, local office worker Doug Slater is reportedly just about pushing himself to the point of basic effort, sources confirmed Monday. “My God… Doug’s very nearly trying,” coworker Paula Jennings said as Slater summoned the will to motivate himself out of complete stasis. “I mean, we all want to get through our work and go home, but you can tell by the way he’s almost exerting himself that he sort of cares.” Jennings then cautioned that if Slater doesn't slow down or at least pace himself, he'll be burned out for the rest of the week.

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