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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Pushing Self To Point Of Effort

ALBANY, NY—In what impressed coworkers are describing as an unprecedented application of minimal exertion, local office worker Doug Slater is reportedly just about pushing himself to the point of basic effort, sources confirmed Monday. “My God… Doug’s very nearly trying,” coworker Paula Jennings said as Slater summoned the will to motivate himself out of complete stasis. “I mean, we all want to get through our work and go home, but you can tell by the way he’s almost exerting himself that he sort of cares.” Jennings then cautioned that if Slater doesn't slow down or at least pace himself, he'll be burned out for the rest of the week.

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