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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Realizes He Has No Interests

PALM COAST, FL—After attempting to fill out his personal profile on an Internet dating site, area resident Sam Stanger came to the conclusion Monday that he had no discernible interests, hobbies, or meaningful distractions to speak of. "I used to enjoy building birdhouses, but that was more than 20 years ago," Stanger said. "I don't know. TV, I guess?" Stanger reportedly plans to wander aimlessly around a local hobby shop this week until something sparks his interest.

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