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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Sneaks In Mid-Snack Nibble

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Local man Gary Crawford reportedly sneaked in a quick mid-snack nibble Thursday, devouring an Oreo cookie to pacify an intense craving the 46-year-old experienced while munching from a box of Cheez-It crackers. "I started feeling hungry between chews and had a hankering for something sweet, so I figured slipping an Oreo in there might just hit the spot," Crawford said. "It definitely helped tide me over until the next handful of Cheez-Its." Crawford confirmed that after finishing the crackers he enjoyed a post-snack pork-out by gnawing on a summer sausage.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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