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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Spends Entire Weekend Binge-Watching Neighbor

WILMORE, KY—Transfixed to the point of neglecting his personal hygiene and social obligations, local 33-year-old Matt Friesen reportedly spent the entire three-day weekend binge-watching his neighbor. “I didn’t have much going on, so I decided to take advantage of the long weekend and do nothing but watch my neighbor for three straight days,” said the bleary-eyed Friesen, adding that he frequently delayed eating meals and sleeping to indulge in his marathon viewing session of the woman who lives next door to him. “At one point, I must have watched my neighbor for 10 straight hours—I just couldn’t pull myself away from the window. But I really got into it, and it’s easy to enjoy once you get completely immersed in her world. It can be boring at times, but if you stick with it, the payoff is great.” After his weekend binge-viewing, Friesen admitted there remained a number of unresolved questions about his neighbor and stated that he would continue to closely follow her to “see where she goes.”

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