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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Spends Entire Weekend Binge-Watching Neighbor

WILMORE, KY—Transfixed to the point of neglecting his personal hygiene and social obligations, local 33-year-old Matt Friesen reportedly spent the entire three-day weekend binge-watching his neighbor. “I didn’t have much going on, so I decided to take advantage of the long weekend and do nothing but watch my neighbor for three straight days,” said the bleary-eyed Friesen, adding that he frequently delayed eating meals and sleeping to indulge in his marathon viewing session of the woman who lives next door to him. “At one point, I must have watched my neighbor for 10 straight hours—I just couldn’t pull myself away from the window. But I really got into it, and it’s easy to enjoy once you get completely immersed in her world. It can be boring at times, but if you stick with it, the payoff is great.” After his weekend binge-viewing, Friesen admitted there remained a number of unresolved questions about his neighbor and stated that he would continue to closely follow her to “see where she goes.”

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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