Man Straight-Up Demands To Know How Many Siblings Coworker Has

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Vol 49 Issue 20

Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the fes...

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama’s second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists’ phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last S...

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made him long for the deeply frustrating, often maddening political climate o...

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

WASHINGTON—Reacting to the number of major scandals currently plaguing the White House, a somewhat confused American populace told reporters Friday that yeah, sure, they’re totally outraged or whatever about what’s currently going on in ...

Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013
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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Late Night

Man Straight-Up Demands To Know How Many Siblings Coworker Has

HARTFORD, CT—Following months of hesitantly tiptoeing around the matter, sources confirmed that local claims adjuster Jeff Sterling today finally “cut the shit” and demanded to know just how many siblings his coworker David Mobley has. “All right, we’re doing this now—you will tell me,” Sterling said after cornering Mobley in the breakroom and demanding to know the number, approximate age, and gender of Mobley’s as-yet-undefined brothers and sisters, emphasizing that “[he was] through fucking around.” “Just give it to me straight and we’ll be done with this. How many siblings do you have? Tell me. Now. Go.” Mobley responded that he has an older sister, two younger brothers, and an older half-brother from his father’s first marriage.

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