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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Stuck In No-Man's Land Between Two Domino's Delivery Areas

AUBURN, WA—James Stallard, 29, experienced feelings of profound loneliness and alienation Monday upon discovering that his home lay just outside the delivery zones of two nearby Domino's Pizza franchises. "I am invisible, a nonexistent entity in the eyes of Domino's," Stallard uttered while staring blankly out his third-story window. "There is life in this apartment, hunger even, and yet…I cannot have a large pepperoni pizza, with chicken kickers, and a liter of Coke delivered to my home." At press time, Stallard reached up and touched his own face, just to make sure that he was in fact still there.

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