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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Surrounded By Loved Ones Feels Awkward Being Only Person Dying

BOSTON—Surrounded by his closest family and friends in his final hours, local man Doug Keller told reporters Friday that he felt a bit embarrassed to be the only person in his hospital room who was dying. “It’s pretty weird that it’s just me,” said Keller, 58, adding that he felt “a little on the spot” as the lone individual in the group who was about to succumb to pancreatic cancer and breathe his last breath. “I can tell they’re all focused on it. It’s just, like, hanging over everything. Everyone else is in decent enough health, and here I am slipping away. I feel like an idiot.” At press time, Keller was no longer feeling self-conscious despite being the only person on his way to the morgue.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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