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Man Trying To Remember How That Music They Used To Play Before HBO Movies Went

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Man Trying To Remember How That Music They Used To Play Before HBO Movies Went

ALBANY, NY— Local resident Clint Fuster, 33, struggled to remember the old "HBO Feature Presentation" theme music from the '80s Monday. "They had that thing where the camera zoomed through a city street and up into the sky," Fuster said. "Then it went something like, 'Na-na-NAAA, na na-NAAA.' But I also remember a part that went, like, 'NA-na-na, NA-na-na.' It was really cool—almost as cool as the credits for USA Night Flight."

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