Man Unable To Wear Nice Clothes Without Everyone Asking Questions

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Vol 46 Issue 01

Colts To Rest Starters For First Game Of Playoffs

INDIANAPOLIS—At his weekly press conference Monday, Colts head coach Jim Caldwell announced that he will rest key starters during the divisional round of the AFC playoffs to keep his players fresh for a Super Bowl run.

Man Gets Life In Order For 36 Minutes

JACKSONVILLE, FL—"It was nice to get some chores out of the way," Terry Oberlin told reporters later, acknowledging that for more than half an hour he experienced no regrets, despair, or frustration of any kind. "Felt really good."

Chris Johnson

This blisteringly quick Titans running back just set the NFL's single-season total yardage record. Is he any good?

Scandalous Coach Firings

Mike Leach's departure from Texas Tech was a spectacle, but it wasn't the first unusual firing in sports history. We look at other notable incidents.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Man Unable To Wear Nice Clothes Without Everyone Asking Questions

MENASHA, WI—Expressing his growing frustration, IT support technician Chris Brennan, 28, told reporters Monday that he is incapable of wearing a button-up shirt and khaki pants without every person he knows asking him why. "If I wear anything at all besides jeans, people are like, 'Where you going? Got a big night out?'" Brennan said. "Or they say, 'Ooh, look who's all dressed up. You have some kind of job interview or something?' I mean, Christ, come on. It's just a shirt with buttons." Brennan conceded that, on a positive note, some of his coworkers were extra nice to him because they assumed he was going to a funeral service.

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