adBlockCheck

Local

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man Unnerved By Uncanny Alternate Universe Of Restaurant’s Second Location

GREAT FALLS, MT—The subtle changes to layout and decor preventing him from feeling totally at home, area man Ethan Kim told reporters Tuesday that he was unnerved by the uncanny alternate universe of local establishment Hickory Pit’s second location. “It feels so familiar, yet so alien,” said Kim, adding he was shaken upon arriving at the spot where the bathroom should be only to find a blank wall and profoundly disturbed by the startling realization that the seating area and bar had been flipped entirely despite the color and design of the chairs staying exactly the same. “Even though the font is the same, the drink menu and the regular menu have been combined into one, and they’ve reordered a few of the sections. It’s like I definitely know this place, but at the same time, I don’t know it at all.” At press time, Kim had reportedly settled down after being ignored by the waiter for 20 minutes, just as he would have been in the restaurant’s original location.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close