Man Unwilling To Skydive Blasted For Contradicting Previous ‘Up For Whatever’ Stance

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Man Unwilling To Skydive Blasted For Contradicting Previous ‘Up For Whatever’ Stance

SAN DIEGO—A local group of friends was reportedly left irritated Thursday when member Gary Milheiser expressed hesitation about jumping out of an airplane at 14,000 feet, despite stating aloud just hours earlier that he was “up for whatever.” “Gary made it perfectly clear that he was cool with doing anything back when we were all trying to figure out what to do, but as soon as he stepped up to the doorway of the airplane and was faced with plunging toward the ground at 120 miles per hour, he backtracked completely. What gives?” said friend Michael Diaz, still visibly peeved. “I specifically asked him what he wanted to do and he said, ‘I’m open to whatevs’—I took him at his word. Frankly, this calls into question his other assertions that he’s happy to just go with the flow and that he’s down with going anywhere for dinner tonight.” At press time, several members of the group were seriously considering whether they should even ask Milheiser to join them on their upcoming heli-skiing trip given his infuriatingly contradictory behavior.