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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Man Use Big Word

HERE—Tom, a guy who think he so smart, use big word Tuesday and make feel stupid. "You are a traw-glow-dite," Tom said, and then he smile like he so much better, like when he win at checkers. "Ha ha ha." As of press time, Tom still being unabashedly supercilious and won't tell what big word mean.

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