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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Man Wearing Low-Cut Swimsuit As Though Public Pool A Sun-Kissed Sardinian Cove

KANSAS CITY, MO—Clad in a pair of revealing, skintight swim trunks, local man Paul Withers strode past an array of plastic lounge chairs Wednesday as though the Choteau Community Pool was a remote, sun-dappled Sardinian cove, onlookers reported. Withers, who seemingly confused the facility’s concrete walkway with a winding path down a rocky slope leading to the gleaming white sands and azure waters of the Costa Verde, then proceeded to mill around the swimming area in full view of patrons, having apparently mistaken the roughly 30 west Missourians for a group of lithe, olive-skinned European models. Witnesses later confirmed seeing Withers plunge into the heavily chlorinated deep end as if leaping from the towering cliffs of Ogliastra, surfacing amidst a floating Band-Aid and a stray foam noodle like they were a school of feeding manta rays. At press time, as the strains of Iggy Azalea and not those of a traditional tenore vocal group wafted from the PA system, Withers reportedly exited the pool, wrapped a towel around his impossibly small bathing suit, and purchased a chicken patty sandwich that may as well have been a generous plate of fresh-caught frutti di mare simmered in local vermentino.

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