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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Man Who Bought 34th Anniversary Reissue Of Fleetwood Mac's 'Rumours' Feeling Like Real Idiot After Passing Display For 35th Anniversary Edition

ENID, OK—Longtime Fleetwood Mac fan Michael Gastin reportedly felt like a complete moron this week after walking by a retail display for the 35th anniversary remastered CD box set of the band’s celebrated 1977 album Rumours, released less than a year after he purchased the Rumours 34th anniversary edition. “Goddamn it, I can’t believe I wasted my money on the 34th anniversary reissue when I could have just waited a little longer and gotten an awesome 35th anniversary re-release,” the embarrassed fan said after observing that the deluxe 35th anniversary edition of the album features an expanded booklet with photographs, essays, and interviews about the making of Rumours not included in the commemorative booklet packaged with the 34th anniversary deluxe box set. “And look at this thing—it’s huge! It’s like twice as big as the 32nd and 33rd anniversary editions combined.” At press time, Gastin had reportedly opted to purchase the album due to its inclusion of an early jam session that purportedly sheds light on the little-documented tensions between band members Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham.

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