adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man Who Downloaded $2.99 Meditation App Prepares To Enter Lotus Plane Of Eternal Serenity

SEATTLE—After downloading a $2.99 meditation app onto his Samsung Galaxy phone Thursday, local man Eric Reeves prepared himself to leave the earthly world behind and enter a lotus plane of pure, eternal serenity, sources reported. The 31-year-old, who is said to have scanned through several meditation and mindfulness apps in the Google Play store before deciding on one from the company SnorgleWorks, then reportedly clicked the Install button on his screen, leaving him just moments away from being carried like a cherry blossom on a soft breeze into a placid realm of unending tranquility. Having readied himself to expand his awareness to the bounds of infinity, Reeves is said to have then tapped the app’s icon, located between his apps for Lyft and the game Gummy Drop!, propelling his inner being into an enlightened, all-knowing state of profound oneness with all things. At press time, the veritable Bodhisattva, having ascended to the highest rungs of bliss unencumbered by human cares or wants, reportedly paused his meditation session to respond to a prompt asking him to allow push notifications.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close