Man Who Just Bought Mayan Headdress, 4 Crates Of Corn Pretty Sure You'll Be Looking Like The Fool When Apocalypse Happens

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Vol 48 Issue 51

2012 In Technology

The debut of the iPhone 5, the landing of NASA’s Curiosity rover on the surface of Mars, and the discovery of what is likely the Higgs boson were all major events this year.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Who Just Bought Mayan Headdress, 4 Crates Of Corn Pretty Sure You'll Be Looking Like The Fool When Apocalypse Happens

KANSAS CITY, MO—Local man Dustin Barnes, 33, who reportedly just purchased a colorful feathered Mayan headdress and four crates packed with corn announced Friday that he was fairly certain you’ll end up looking like an idiot when the apocalypse finally happens. “We’ll see who looks like an unprepared chump on doomsday,” said Barnes, scoffing at the “real saps” while painting the traditional designs of a Mayan warrior on his face and chest. “I’m going to be the one laughing when the Tonsured Maize God spares me because I actually thought ahead and prepared a sacrificial offering of corn. Enjoy dying suckers.” At press time, Barnes was reportedly wearing the elaborate Mayan headdress around his house and feeling sorry for his loved ones.

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