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A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Man Who Just Purchased 3,000 Rounds Of Ammunition Online Perfectly Sane, Thinks Man Processing Order

WEST BERLIN, NJ—While processing an online order Tuesday afternoon, Ammoman.com sales clerk Eric McCann confirmed to himself that the customer who just purchased 3,000 rounds of ammunition was no doubt a very sensible, stable human being with no prior history of mental illness. "Yes, the person I am now shipping three heavy boxes of 9 mm bullets to is surely an entirely normal person, with normal thoughts, who is in no way a danger to himself or others," McCann reportedly thought as he processed the $850 order, which will be shipped to a private residence in New Mexico within six to 10 business days. "Clearly, if he was able to find a bulk supplier online, complete our order form, and make the purchase with a major credit card, then he must be a person in full command of his mental faculties and at no point should I think twice about sending this package. I hope he enjoys the product." At press time, McCann was envisioning the psychologically well-adjusted customer receiving the ammunition and, naturally, using it for completely safe, constructive, and not at all illegal purposes.

More from this section

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

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