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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Who Likes To Be Jostled Moving To City

ENID, OK—Local resident Spencer Cravel announced his plans to move to New York City Wednesday so that he might pursue his passion for being jostled and bumped around. "For a guy like me who enjoys getting jostled, bopped, and knocked from side to side by hundreds of strangers all pressing forward in a pointless hurry, New York City's the place to be," said Cravel, who first discovered his love of getting shoved from every direction as if in a herd of cattle while exiting a professional basketball game. "I've been to Chicago and there's some good jostling there, especially around the El train entrances early in the morning, and I hear Tokyo has some top-notch jostling, but here, in America, if you want to be jostled, and I mean truly good and jostled, you got to go to New York City." Cravel admitted he was relieved he'd no longer have to seek out jostling spots in his hometown, saying he'd grown tired of the "rinky-dink" jostling he experiences when trying to reenter his local movie theater after a film has just ended.

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