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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Man Who Plays Game For Millions Of Dollars Called Gutsy

BOSTON—Several sources confirmed Friday that a man who is paid millions of dollars to play a game was reportedly called gutsy and lauded for a “valiant effort” to hit a small white ball with a wooden stick. “With such a plucky performance, he’s showing some real courage at the plate,” said the game’s commentator, noting the spirited determination and daring of the man who sits for hours at a time during the competition. “It’s nice in this day and age to see a player who is so lionhearted. He’s just completely fearless when he’s behind in the count.” At press time, the person who makes a living by talking about the game was describing a ball being caught in a leather mitten as absolutely beautiful.

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