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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Who Pulls Up With Music Pumping Probably Coming From Someplace Cooler

SAN JOSE, CA—According to sources stopped at the corner of Fourth and St. James Streets, the man driving the custom-painted 2002 Honda Civic with speakers blasting Sean Paul must be coming from someplace much, much cooler. "My God, the racing decals, that chest-thumping bass, those sunglasses inverted so as to rest upon the back of his head. What kind of totally badass place did this guy just leave, and how do I get there myself?" said Dan Singleman, awestruck even to be in the presence of a man reclined so far back in the driver's seat. "Just look at him. The fact that his rear window is tinted makes me wonder if there are additional cool people sitting in the back who do not wish to be seen by those who are less cool." Judging by the burnout the man just performed, Singleman said he could only assume the driver must also be on his way to someplace very cool.

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