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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Man Who Saw ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ 6 Times Over Holidays Thought It Was Pretty Good

CHICAGO—Stressing that the movie “definitely had some cool moments,” local man Jeff Feitel, who saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens six times over the holidays, told reporters Monday that he thought it was pretty good. “I had a few issues with some stuff, but overall I thought it was a fun movie,” said Feitel, who over the past two weeks has cumulatively spent 14 hours and $87 attending screenings of the film, including multiple 3D viewings, a midnight showing, and an IMAX screening at 8:50 a.m. “I honestly thought the lightsaber battles were just so-so, but the reliance on practical effects was kind of awesome. And it lays out a pretty compelling mythology for the next couple movies, too.”At press time, Feitel was reportedly purchasing a ticket to see The Force Awakens again that evening.


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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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