adBlockCheck

Politics

Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
End Of Section
  • More News

Man Who Should Be President Has Asymmetrical Eyebrows

DAYTON, OH—With a wide-ranging knowledge of both domestic and foreign issues, unflappable composure, and an uncanny ability to reach across the aisle in these divided times, 42-year-old David Johnson would be this generation's greatest president if he didn't have disturbingly askew eyebrows. "On paper, he's got it all," ABC News correspondent George Stephanopoulos said of Johnson, who is an undeniably powerful and engaging speaker. "But those eyebrows—Christ, one is way too bushy, and the other is just all over the place." According to Stephanopoulos, Americans will instead elect the president they deserve—a superficial, eager-to-please, spineless person with immaculately groomed hair above his eyes.
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close