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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Man With Big Stick To Lead Russia

MOSCOW—With severe political instability, economic woes and a war in Chechnya threatening to tear Russia apart, Kremlin officials announced today that a man with a big stick will step forward to lead the troubled nation. Ailing prime minister Boris Yeltsin declared that he will step aside willingly, provided the unnamed stick-wielder was an imposing, burly man equipped with a stick of sufficient size to command total obedience and control. Russian officials have not ruled out the possibility of also equipping the man with large, hob-nailed boots.

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