Man With Broken Foot Plunged Into World Of Human Kindness, Caring

Top Headlines

Local

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Man Pushed Off Plate Of Chicken Wings By Larger Male

WARMINSTER, PA—Looking on as the intense display of aggressive behavior played out over several minutes, sources at Flannigan’s Bar & Grill confirmed Thursday that local man Pete Samuelson was pushed off a plate of buffalo wings by a much larger alpha male.

Grandma Guts It Out Through Lunch On Sunny Patio

MALVERN, PA—Making the audacious decision to dine outdoors with her family despite a noticeable lack of umbrellas or awnings, grandmother Diane McGilvery, 83, reportedly gutted it out through lunch Friday on the sunny patio of a local restaurant.

Parents Formally Announce Transfer Of Expectations To Second Child

GRAND JUNCTION, CO—Explaining that the adjustment made the most practical sense for all parties involved, local parents Beth and Ryan Morgan held a press conference Friday morning to announce the official transfer of expectations from their oldest child, Jeremy, to his younger sibling, Angie.

Motorcyclist Salvaged For Parts

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Following a multiple-vehicle accident on Interstate 90 that temporarily halted traffic in both directions, sources reported Friday that a motorcyclist involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts.

Detective Not Sure He Was Close Enough To Partner To Endlessly Pursue Killer

DETROIT—After his partner of three years was gunned down last week while the pair were on duty, Detective David Killian of the Detroit Police Department’s Major Case Squad told reporters Wednesday he was unsure whether he had been close enough to his murdered colleague to single-mindedly pursue the killer for as long as it takes.

Man Pretty Cocky Since Beating Cancer

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL—Whether he’s bragging about his newfound appreciation for life or arrogantly refusing to take anything for granted, local man Daniel Oretsky, 38, has been acting insufferably cocky since winning his two-year battle with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Area Man Under Impression He Got Dressed Up

PROVIDENCE, RI—Explaining that the dinner he would soon be having at an upscale restaurant required him to wear something a bit special, local man Kyle Finnegan was under the impression that he had just gotten dressed up, sources said Thursday.

Man Honestly Thought Breakdown Would Be More Obvious To People

MAPLEWOOD, MN—Explaining that he had assumed the deterioration of his physical and psychological state would be readily apparent, 3M sales associate Mark Uhler told reporters Wednesday he honestly thought his ongoing breakdown would be more obvious to everyone around him.

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Neighborhood Busybody Reports Sound Of Gunshots

INDIANAPOLIS—Once again sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, neighborhood busybody Sally Christensen, 54, reportedly took it upon herself to report the sound of gunshots to law enforcement early Tuesday morning, sources confirmed.

Being Older Than Daughter Babysitter’s Only Qualification

UTICA, NY—Possessing no particular proficiencies or training whatsoever, local 12-year-old Jessica Radloff was reportedly hired to babysit Hayley Carden, 7, this week based solely on her qualification of being older than the child she was asked to watch.

Total Weirdo Spends Mother’s Day At Cemetery

ST. MARYS, OH—Apparently content to hang around dead people rather than celebrate like a normal person, area weirdo John Mills spent most of Mother’s Day at a local cemetery, creeped-out sources confirmed.

Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Man Proud Of Food He Ordered

DEDHAM, MA—Noting how the man grinned with satisfaction after his Buffalo Chicken Ranch sandwich with a side of spiced panko onion rings arrived at his table, sources at Chili’s Grill & Bar confirmed Tuesday that local diner Matt Schoesse ...

Fast Food Drive-Thru Just Cow Carcass, Bucket For Money

VENTURA, CA—Calling it the ultimate combination of freshness, value, and convenience, local fast food chain Sunshine Burger announced that, beginning this week, its regular drive-thru windows would be replaced by a cow carcass and a bucket for money...

Oh God, Teacher Arranged Desks In Giant Circle

OVERLAND PARK, KS—Appearing stunned and unsettled as they entered her classroom Wednesday, students from Ms. Frederickson’s fourth-period social studies class were reportedly overcome with panic 

Disgusting Couple Always Interacting In Public

MINNEAPOLIS—Saying the pair was making everyone nearby feel uncomfortable, onlookers stated Wednesday they were disgusted by local couple Tyler Meacham and Caitlyn Ashford’s habit of interacting in public.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Preparedness

  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Man With Broken Foot Plunged Into World Of Human Kindness, Caring

Morris says it's as though he's been transported to some "alternate universe" of generosity.
Morris says it's as though he's been transported to some "alternate universe" of generosity.

MINNEAPOLIS—After an accident this past weekend in which he tripped down a flight of stairs and fractured a metatarsal in his left foot, sales analyst Tim Morris was suddenly thrown into a strange and unfamiliar world pervaded by human generosity and kindness.

According to Morris, 42, within seconds of the painful injury, he abruptly found himself immersed in a curious realm where compassion and consideration from other people was the norm, and fellow human beings exhibited an actual concern for his welfare without any thought of reciprocation.

"Everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing or if there's anything else they can get me, anything at all," said Morris, appearing disoriented by the bizarre surge of human decency being directed toward him. "I went to the bank earlier and a total stranger actually stood there, smiled, and held the door for me for like 30 seconds. That's what it's like literally everywhere I go now."

"What is this place?" added Morris, gazing around in confusion.

While Morris confirmed that the people of this unusual new world look and sound exactly as they did in the world he hails from, he noted that their displays of unselfish kindness are completely unlike those he is accustomed to experiencing on a day-to-day basis.

Adding further confusion, Morris' family and friends have all paid visits to his apartment with seemingly no purpose other than to "check up" on him and help him around the house.

"My brother Brian came over earlier today with some homemade soup and told me to call him if I needed anything," said Morris, who could not remember the last time his sibling had done anything for him at all, much less offered to buy him groceries. "Just last month he said he was too busy to pick me up from the airport, and today he's washing my dirty dishes for me."

"Is that really you, Brian?" asked Morris, squinting at the man standing by his kitchen sink.

Morris also told reporters that people at his office who previously seemed unaware of his presence have suddenly begun treating him as if he were an actual person with feelings.

"My coworker Lisa offered to stop by my place and pick up some presentation materials I needed to bring to work," Morris said. "At first I actually thought it was a joke, and so I laughed. But then she was like, 'No, seriously, I'll swing by your apartment and grab them.' And then she did! I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it."

"Where I come from, people just don't do stuff like that," Morris added. "But here it happens all the time. "

Despite constantly waiting for someone to reveal a hidden motive or suddenly attempt to exploit him, Morris has so far faced nothing but kind words and benevolent actions from the people he has come across, an experience that has almost been too disorienting to handle.

"To be honest, it's almost too much, all of the empathy and charitableness," Morris said. "I guess it takes a while to get acclimated or something. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually."

As his fractured foot slowly heals, Morris' doctors have given him four to six weeks before he is spit back out into the cold and unfeeling abyss he came from.