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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man With New Generator Hoping For Power Outage

PITTSFIELD, MA– Days after purchasing a new Coleman Powermate 2500 portable generator, homeowner Randy Denton expressed hope for a power outage Monday. "Man, a huge, citywide blackout would be fantastic," said Denton, scanning the sky for signs of storm activity. "I'd love to give this baby's 5.0 Tecumseh engine with electronic ignition a little ride." Added Denton: "That maple tree across the street is pretty old. I bet a good gust could knock it across those power lines."

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