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Good Times

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Man Always Taking Good Mood Out On Friends

NORFOLK, VA—Saying how difficult it is to be around him when he’s unable to get a handle on his emotions, frustrated friends of local man James Melrose complained Tuesday that the 26-year-old is constantly taking his good mood out on them.

Man Has No Idea What To Do With Good Mood

FRANKLIN, WI—Weighing various options for how to proceed given the unexpectedness of the situation, local 33-year-old Trevor Clifford was reportedly at a complete loss as to what he should do Monday after suddenly finding himself in a good mood.

Facebook Version Of Marriage Going Great

SAN JOSE, CA—Citing the numerous photos and status updates that the couple regularly post online, sources confirmed Wednesday that the Facebook version of Annie and Colin Wheeler’s eight-year marriage is going extremely well. Several of the Wh...
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Good Times

Man Working Up Courage To Ask Coworker To Office Dance

‘I Wonder If Stacy Already Has A Date To Fall Ball?’

SAN ANTONIO—NCG Information Systems sales associate Greg Autry told reporters Wednesday that he is currently in the process of “psyching himself up” to ask Head Database Management Analyst Stacy Donahue to their office’s annual Fall Ball.

Autry attributed his anxiety to a number of concerns, ranging from whether Donahue already had a date to Fall Ball to worries about what a “pretty, popular girl like Stacy” would even think about a “guy like [him]” asking her to the first important dance of the second fiscal quarter.

“Everyone’s telling me I should ask her, but why would Stacy even say yes?” said the 38-year-old, noting that Donahue is “so cool” and “hangs out with all the cool coworkers, like [Software Project Manager] Jim [Wataski] and [UNIX Build Engineer] Marissa [Hanover].” “What if she thinks it’s a joke and laughs in my face? I’d be humiliated. We talk in the elevator and stuff and she’s always really nice, though. I’m probably getting way too freaked out about this.”

“Stacy’s awesome,” Autry added. “I was going to ask her after our morning meeting, but she was talking to [Fiber Optics Technician] Eric Connors. What was she talking to him for, anyhow?”

According to Autry, the window to ask Stacy is closing. Tickets to the dance, which Autry said “cost, like, 60 bucks,” stop going on sale Thursday. In addition, he said he needs to tell head sales manager Cynthia Truswell whether or not he’s bringing a date because Truswell needs to know who’s getting in on the sales team limo.

Moreover, Autry told reporters that if he does ask Stacy and she “by some miracle” says yes, he’ll need to order a corsage and figure out where everyone is pregaming.

“Stacy’s the head of the decoration committee, so at least I know she’s planning on going,” Autry said, adding that the way she transformed the conference room into a winter wonderland last year was “unforgettable.” “I heard they’re doing a ‘Starry Night’ theme this time, and they’re going to get all these glow necklaces and stars. Bottom line, if Stacy’s in charge of it, it’s going to come out looking great.”

“I just hope she says yes,” Autry added. “But I guess I could always go stag. I’m pretty sure my wife won’t want to go.”

At press time, Stacy was standing in the office kitchen all by herself, and sources confirmed it was high time Autry grow a pair.

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