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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Management Determined To Find Out Who In Company Leaked Information That CEO Is Asshole

NEW YORK—Employees at software maker Rosgrove Inc. report they were harshly reprimanded Wednesday morning when executives demanded to know who leaked proprietary information confirming CEO Dan Murray is an asshole. "The fact that Mr. Murray is a callous son-of-a-bitch who has no idea what the fuck he's doing is the intellectual property of this company, and as such it is intended to remain within the organization," said Rosgrove communications director Donna Kremer, adding that management has launched a staff-wide investigation to find out how the press discovered Murray is a cocksucking piece of shit who's completely out of touch with reality. "If anyone has any information on who spoke to reporters about the backslapping, double-dealing fat fuck who heads this company, please let us know." Reached for comment, Murray denied he was an asshole and said employees were merely upset with his recent cost-cutting measures aimed at making quick, short-lasting improvements to the balance sheet so he can sell his stake in the company and comfortably retire before completely running the organization into the ground.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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