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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Mangini Urges Browns Players Not To Say Who They're Going To Kill Over Twitter

CLEVELAND—Coach Eric Mangini issued a stern warning to the Browns Monday, dissuading players from using Twitter or other social networking sites to identify any person or persons they plan to murder. "What you do on your free time is your own business, but you represent this organization and you need to think before saying something stupid that ends up all over the Internet," Mangini was overheard telling his players following their morning workout. "Now, nobody is saying that you can't have Twitter accounts or that you can't kill people, but keep it between you, your family, and the person you are killing. The last thing you want to do is create bulletin-board material for the police." Mangini also asked players to stop repeatedly posting "The Browns suck!" on Facebook.

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