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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Manny Ramirez Asks Red Sox If He Can Work From Home

BOSTON—Claiming that a relaxed atmosphere and a chance to create his own schedule would greatly benefit his productivity, Red Sox left-fielder Manny Ramirez has asked team officials if he can play the remainder of the season from the comfort of his own home. "My client just can't seem to focus in his current place of work," said Ramirez's agent Greg Genske, noting that Fenway Park's loud, boisterous atmosphere and high-stress, pressure-packed environment are "not ideal working conditions for anyone." "Manny seeks a work space where he doesn't have to constantly travel, can wear whatever he wants, and can work at his own pace. I assure you that he will be able to put up the same statistics he normally does while physically on a baseball diamond. Just give him until November or December." The Red Sox have tentatively agreed to allow Ramirez to telecommute, claiming that although their offense may suffer without him at the ballpark, their defense in a vacant left field may substantially improve.

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