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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Manny Ramirez Has Weirdest Feeling He Should Be Somewhere While Watching Spring Training

SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC—While watching a live spring-training report from the Boston Red Sox training facility in Fort Myers, FL on SportsCenter Wednesday, outfielder Manny Ramirez reportedly told his family that he "had the weirdest feeling [he] should be somewhere else right now." "I don't know what it is... Am I usually someplace else at this time of year?" Ramirez asked his wife, adding that the people on television looked vaguely familiar and that he felt "the strangest urge" to be in Florida. "Wait, is that guy there on the TV... is that Big Papi? But why would he be in Florida now?" According to Ramirez's wife, her husband then looked at the calendar on the wall, frowned, and continued to watch television while idly popping an old ball into his baseball glove.

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