adBlockCheck

Sports

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
End Of Section
  • More News

Manny Ramirez Has Weirdest Feeling He Should Be Somewhere While Watching Spring Training

SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC—While watching a live spring-training report from the Boston Red Sox training facility in Fort Myers, FL on SportsCenter Wednesday, outfielder Manny Ramirez reportedly told his family that he "had the weirdest feeling [he] should be somewhere else right now." "I don't know what it is... Am I usually someplace else at this time of year?" Ramirez asked his wife, adding that the people on television looked vaguely familiar and that he felt "the strangest urge" to be in Florida. "Wait, is that guy there on the TV... is that Big Papi? But why would he be in Florida now?" According to Ramirez's wife, her husband then looked at the calendar on the wall, frowned, and continued to watch television while idly popping an old ball into his baseball glove.

More from this section

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close