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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Manny Ramirez Plays With Bush Family Dogs During Red Sox's Entire White House Visit

WASHINGTON, DC—Although Red Sox outfielder Manny Ramirez was present for the official team visit to the White House, he did not meet the president due to being preoccupied with rolling on the Rose Garden lawn and playing tug-of-war with Barney, the Bush family's Scottish terrier, the Red Sox organization announced Wednesday. "Hey, perro! Perro! Come here! You want to play with Manny? Sure you do! Yes, you do! Hey! Come back!" Ramirez can be faintly heard to say in the background of the taped record of the ceremony, although cameras did not record Ramirez chasing the First Dog through the shrubbery or swinging the dog around in circles with Ramirez's sock clenched firmly in his jaw. Although Ramirez has posted photos of minor bites, supposedly inflicted by Barney, on his website, White House officials have dismissed the wounds as "just Barney being Barney."

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