adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
End Of Section
  • More News

Man's Facebook Status Given Book Deal

NEW YORK—HarperCollins Publishers announced Monday that 24-year-old Islip, NY resident Gerard Dillow has accepted its offer of $250,000 to publish his Facebook status from 56 minutes ago, which reads, "In it to win it, suckas." "We're confident that In It To Win It, Suckas will be a huge success when it hits stores next summer," editorial director Edith Dalrymple said of the forthcoming hardcover, which will feature a 140-character forward by Shit My Dad Says author Justin Halpern. "The fact that Gerard's status already has six 'likes' and seven comments—only two of which are from him—tells us this property has a solid built-in audience." Dillow's book will be released just two weeks after the film IKEA QUEEN BED FRAME AND BOX SPRING!!!!!!!!!! REDUCED PRICE!!!!!!!, which was optioned from the popular Craigslist post.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close