adBlockCheck

Recent News

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man's Facebook Status Given Book Deal

NEW YORK—HarperCollins Publishers announced Monday that 24-year-old Islip, NY resident Gerard Dillow has accepted its offer of $250,000 to publish his Facebook status from 56 minutes ago, which reads, "In it to win it, suckas." "We're confident that In It To Win It, Suckas will be a huge success when it hits stores next summer," editorial director Edith Dalrymple said of the forthcoming hardcover, which will feature a 140-character forward by Shit My Dad Says author Justin Halpern. "The fact that Gerard's status already has six 'likes' and seven comments—only two of which are from him—tells us this property has a solid built-in audience." Dillow's book will be released just two weeks after the film IKEA QUEEN BED FRAME AND BOX SPRING!!!!!!!!!! REDUCED PRICE!!!!!!!, which was optioned from the popular Craigslist post.

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close