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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Man’s Fantasy Football Team Names Over Past 5 Years Depict Slow Descent Into Madness

CHICAGO—Competitors in Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football league Super Bowl Shuffle expressed concern Thursday about the mental state of league member Evan Reeves, whose choice of team names over the past five years reportedly paints a picture of a man gradually descending into utter madness. “When we first started out a few years back, Evan just called his squad Butkus’ Dick, but his name choices these last few seasons have been increasingly unsettling,” fellow virtual manager Jay Steiner said of Reeves, 29, whose unhinged team names have since included “The Widening Gyre,” “What Does GOD Fear?” and “PLAGUEPLAGUEPLAGUEPL.” “I haven’t seen this guy since college, but judging from his behavior, he appears to be entering into some kind of bizarre state of irreversible derangement, all while actively participating in our friendly 12-team keeper league. It’s pretty disturbing to watch someone plunge into the darkest chasms of lunacy before your very eyes, plus all those Bible passages are really starting to clog up the message board.” As further evidence of Reeves’ ongoing slide into full-blown psychosis, Steiner noted that this year the deeply disturbed individual drafted Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco in the first round.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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