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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Man's Masculinity Continues Losing Streak Against Tough Batting Cage

Doug Townsend suffered defeat at the hands of the Slinko Games batting cage on Tuesday, making contact only four times and solid contact just once. This was just the latest in a series of setbacks for Townsend's feelings of manhood and self-worth:

  • May: Attempts to throw a football spiral so poorly that even his wife bursts out laughing.
  • June: Hit in face with frisbee; takes four hours to completely stop bloody nose.
  • July: Stared at bicycle in garage for long moment before realizing he could not do it and deciding to make four minute drive to work yet again.
  • August: Though EMT's were able to resuscitate him, Townsend technically drowns in his own above ground swimming pool.
  • September: Soundly defeated by treadmill, five falls to zero.
  • October: Is forced to switch from top to bottom in sex with wife record 15 seconds into intercourse.
  • November: Attempted four times to throw a football back over a tall fence to a group of kids playing; eventually had to walk ball around fence.
  • December: Loses to 9-year old son at Horse, HORSE to HOR.
  • January: Refers to Steelers quarterback as "Ben Hasselbeck or whatever."
  • February: Falls down for absolutely no reason at all.

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