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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Manti Te'o Scrapes Together $5,000 For Combine Fee

INDIANAPOLIS—With the 2013 NFL Scouting Combine drawing to a close, linebacker Manti Te’o confirmed Tuesday that he had managed to scrape together enough money to pay the $5,000 fee to participate in the event. “The guy on the phone told me my results wouldn’t count unless I paid the registration fee, so I made sure to get him that money as soon as I could,” the former Notre Dame football standout told reporters, adding that his Western Union wire transfer to Flex-Trak OKK Offshore Holdings, Ltd. ensured him free access to each of the combine performance tests, as well as “Premier Elite” admission to Lucas Oil Stadium. “It was a little pricey with all the extra convenience charges tacked on, but it’s a good thing I got the money together when I did. Apparently, the fee would have increased to $10,000 if I had waited another day.” While Te’o admitted that registering for the combine had depleted a significant portion of his savings, the star linebacker said that his finances were in good shape, as he recently received an unexpected e-mail informing him that he had inherited a sizable sum of money from a long-lost Nigerian uncle.

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