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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Marc Stein Takes Ultimate Risk In Moving Lakers From Fourth To Third In NBA Power Rankings

BRISTOL, CT—In what he has confessed was "probably the gutsiest move of [his] career," ESPN.com sportswriter Marc Stein bumped the Los Angeles Lakers from the number four spot up to number three on his weekly NBA power rankings Monday. "I've done crazy things in the past, and I have gone against the mainstream, and I have put my job on the line in order to most accurately assign rankings to the 30 NBA teams—but this one tops them all," Stein said of his decision to move the 33-17 Lakers up one spot after the team acquired Pau Gasol and won five of their last six games. "Now I must either reap the rewards or face the ultimate consequence. If the Lakers keep it up, I am a god; if they falter and go 2-2 this week, I could be fired…Oh, God, what have I done? What have I done? I've gone too far!" The only feedback Stein has received thus far is an e-mail from NJFanMan2000, who claimed that the Lakers sucked and that the Nets should be No. 1.

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