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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Marc Stein Treated For OCD After Latest NBA Power Rankings List Teams From Dirtiest To Cleanest

BRISTOL, CT—Sportswriter Marc Stein was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder and prescribed a low dose of Risperdal Tuesday after using his weekly ESPN.com power rankings to rate the "filthiness" of each NBA team. "Basketball under their fingernails; I wouldn't go near these guys in a million years, okay?" read Stein's entry for the 11th-ranked Pacers, a typical blurb in a list that described the No. 1 Suns as "pretty clean or less diseased than normal" and the No. 30 Mavericks as "DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY." An agitated Stein told reporters that he believes teams need to be ranked in many different ways. "Scoring them from best to worst, or by their 'power,' is one way, but what about organizing them by how dirty they are, their franchise age, or the way they sound or taste? People deserve to know that, although the Lakers are the best team in the league, they are only 23rd in terms of how well-liked they are among their own families. The Detroit Pistons are ranked eighth alphabetically. That's important." Stein was prescribed an additional dose of D-cycloserin after explaining his plans to wash the entire Northwest Division.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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