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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Marco Andretti Follows In Father's Footsteps By Not Winning Indy 500

INDIANAPOLIS—Marco Andretti, 19-year-old Indy Racing League rookie phenom and son of driver Michael Andretti, upheld the family tradition his father began in 1984 when he failed to win the Indianapolis 500 last Sunday despite leading all but the last seconds of the final lap. "Dad has led the most laps at Indianapolis without winning, and now I just came in second in one of the closest finishes ever," said the younger Andretti, who like his father was also voted the 500's Outstanding Rookie despite not winning. "I'm feeling really close to my father right now. And that sucks." Mario Andretti, Marco's grandfather and father to Michael, was quick to inform reporters that he won the Indianapolis 500 in 1969, the Daytona 500 in 1967, the Formula One world championship in 1978, and is friends with actor Paul Newman.

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